"epiphany: sudden insight"
As a child, I attended mass at the Roman Catholic Church
every week with my family. I participated in religious education classes and in
all of the religious rituals, without any insight at all into their meaning. I
did not know the meaning of the English word "epiphany," though I
knew that "The Feast of the Epiphany" was a holy day of obligation,
and skipping church that day, which we usually did because it was inconvenient
for our family of ten to attend mass more than once a week, was a sin. I was
taught that missing a mass on a holy day of obligation was my own personal sin
against God, offending Him greatly, despite the fact that I was not old enough
to drive a car to actually get to the church and it was not my choice of
whether or not to attend, I had to go wherever my parents took me. It was
explained to me that although I myself did not drive, I could talk to my
parents to influence them to make them take me to church, and if I prayed
enough, God would answer my prayers and my family would be able to make it to
church on holy days of obligation, as required.
There have been times in my life when God has miraculously answered
my prayers, such as curing me of my cystic acne and healing my once-abandoned
marriage, but I guess I never did pray hard enough for the things I really did
not want anyway, such as going to church more often than was demanded of me by
my parents.
As a child, I do not recall discussing religion in any great
detail with anyone or asking many questions. I simply ignored what I did not
understand. It seemed to me that no one much cared that I did not understand
what was said in Latin during mass, and many literal translations into English,
such as "The Feast of the Epiphany," still made no sense to me.
What was emphasized as most important was showing up
Catholic and performing as expected. We were expected to memorize, so that we
could repeat out loud at the appropriate time, whatever was the correct
"response" to what the priest said in Latin during mass.
Although we cherished our missalettes, which prescribed the
church service's oral exchanges between the priest and the congregation during
the mass, we Roman Catholic children did not read the Bible. It was not touted,
as it is in other Christian religions, as important for understanding the
traditions of the church. We were not taught to ask questions, and I had the
feeling that there were no real answers available anyway. Often, when I asked about
something Catholic that I did not understand, I was told, "That's one of
the 'mysteries'. No one understands it." When I was confronted with either
physical or mental suffering, I was invited to "offer it up" as my
own embodiment of Christ's personal sacrifice to God. "Suffering" was
one of those incomprehensible mysteries which God would not be explaining to me
in my lifetime.
My religious education began with CCD classes during the
days of the Latin mass. We were taught how to behave ourselves in CCD and in
church: to sit down, not move, and be quiet. We were taught what the sins are
(and that we committed them constantly) and how to be forgiven for those sins
(tell them to the priest and recite the prescribed number of Our Fathers and Hail
Marys). I may not have been the most motivated CCD student, so others in my
class may have been paying more attention and gotten more out of it. I recall
the CCD classes were very crowded and the "bad" kids (all boys) threw
spit balls and poked one another constantly the instant the teacher looked
away. The instructors had to spend a great deal of time in disciplinary action.
To me, CCD was a much different experience than elementary education at the
public school, in which I excelled.
When I was preparing to be confirmed, we were told in CCD
exactly what specific words we were to say to the visiting bishop,
"whether we believed it or not," and warned against ad libbing
incautiously, if he should happen to single us out, to ask us a question in
front of the whole congregation.
But, over time, things have changed in the Catholic Church.
The mass, for those whose first language is not Latin (which is everybody), is now
pronounced in the native tongue of those in the majority living within the
parish community. By the time my kids started CCD, they had real Catholic education
textbooks and a standard curriculum. Parents were encouraged to work on CCD homework
with their children, and on sharing with them the tenets of faith. Students in
my eldest daughter's confirmation class were questioned individually by the
teacher, and each had to positively affirm their faith before completing the
classes meant to prepare one to receive the sacrament. Those who did not, were
excused from participating in further CCD classes, and encouraged to consider
that they retained the option of joining the church at a later date if they
should have a change of heart.
